Earlier this week I realized something pretty important. It’s been a full year since the divorce was finalized. Granted, the whole separation thing has been since 2012. However, the whole legally binding part of it was finally over a year ago. Somehow, none of it seemed “over” until those papers were in my hands. And then, I felt like I could really start the healing process.
That process has been about major changes in attitude, in social status, in spirit, and about life. The majority of the healing that needed to happen was spiritual. It has taken a great deal of time in prayer and reflecting on where I have been to realize where I want things to go in my life. And still, I’m searching to find a definitive answer on where God would have me be. I think that’s a hard one to really put your finger on. He doesn’t always communicate in concrete terms after all. This time, when I ask, it seems that He is talking in riddles. Interpreting them is definitely a challenge.
When I started this blog it was supposed to be about healthy changes. Healthy meaning more about the physical health of the body. My motivation on that took a back seat as I started trying to figure myself out from the inside. I believe that this part of it was important and that the healthy body will come along in time as I try to change a few things about how I see myself. The process for me has been less about working out and recipes and more about how to love myself as I am. There are still things that I struggle with and likely always will. The truth is, I have come a long way on this journey
You may have noticed a change in the look of the blog. I think it is important that it reflect more of where I am in life and my goals. When it started I needed a reminder of my free spirit. I needed to pull myself out of a very dark place and find happiness again. I needed the bold colors and fun patterns because they reflected a more modern lifestyle and something blissfully normal. They made me feel like I was, even if only a little bit,… just like everyone else. And my little mind trick worked.
To a point.
But, I’m at another turning point in life. One that allows me to reflect on where I’ve been and decide where I am going. I’ve decided that it is time to embrace the things about me that are unique. The things I want are not the same as everyone else. The way I see the world is not the same as anyone else.
I want a life that is both creative and refined. I’ve focused my efforts on these things. I’m writing more. I’m delving back into more visual arts and painting. I’m even sewing more. In the past year I’ve taken up quilting, gotten back to embroidery, and now I’m embarking on a journey into making clothing. More specifically, Victorian clothing.
You see, I’m planning to attend this Steampunk Event in November with an escort who has a fabulous ensemble. So, my wearing jeans for this is just not going to suit the event. So, I’m planning to put together something to complement his. Yes, I am very much looking forward to it. I haven’t done a real costume event in ages. So this is going to be a ton of fun for me.
Life is starting to come together for me finally. I have a job that pays well and I don’t mind going to every day. I am able to travel more and explore my surroundings. I took a trip a couple of weekends ago that was inspiring not only in the scenery but in the company I had showing me around. It was an insightful trip and one that I really enjoyed. It made me realize how much I’d missed taking road trips and how inspiring company can be when there is an exchange of ideas.
I’m adopting more of the refined things in life. Simple things like creating a space I enjoy and is functional. There will be remodeling happening soon. I’ve begun a little ritual of afternoon tea when I’m at work. I’m ordering clothes that I really enjoy and that compliment my style and shape. I am keeping a hand written journal for the first time since I was a teenager.
I admit that I am always a work in progress. Who isn’t? But, I think in two years I’ve found more direction than I did in the six that came before. I feel like I’ve come into my own and I would like to reflect this new me in various aspects of my life. Besides, a little change can do everyone good. Think of it as an upgrade. Something a bit more refined and elegant that will help inspire the next phase of my life.
Until next time…