Life is all about change. I know that my situation in life is nothing like I thought it would be when I was in high school. And that might seem like a bad thing but, the truth is, I don’t think life ever turns out exactly the way you plan it to. In fact, it is all about learning to roll with the punches, curve balls, and sometimes elated moments that make up the sum of life. I was watching one of my favorite movies last week while I was working on job applications (more on that in a minute) Mr. Holland’s Opus. It is one of those films that never fails to make me all teary-eyed. There is a part in which he’s singing to his son. A line from the song, originally by The Beatles stuck out to me because it is so true and really sums up the whole theme of the movie.
I didn’t expect to be the woman who was abandoned by her husband. I didn’t expect to struggle so hard to get on my feet after he left, or after I filed for divorce. I thought that having a positive outlook on life was going to be easy. I thought that being out of the emotionally abusive situation that I was in for years would give me a much needed sense of relief and that having friends, free time, and control over my life would be just what the doctor ordered. And in a way, it was. But, in my zest to get on with life, I made some mistakes. The biggest one was not taking time to figure out who I was before I started dating.
You see, during the course of the seven years with my ex, I lost track of who I was. My identity got lost in the process of living with him and enduring the emotional abuse that was my daily life. The reality is that, it had been years since I’d actually considered a life beyond being married and somehow managing to have a normal homelife. But, that was never going to happen. Not with him. And, while my relationship after him may have offered some delusion of that desired life, it would never be real. So, when I called off the engagement and broke up I was determined to figure out what I wanted and to get my life in some sort of order.
I’ve spent the last seven months at a job that I’d hoped would get me on my feet. Instead, I spent all this time spinning my wheels. On Friday, all the job applications paid off. I secured a new job. And I am actually excited about getting on with things. I’m not saying that this new job is going to make the sort of money that will allow me to buy a house right away or anything. The pay will be better than what I’ve been getting. And I will know when I’m working so that I can make plans to be social again.
Whatever the day job may be, I am still writing. I’m already hard at work on the second installment of Armageddon Rising. I think that life being a little more “normal” for a while will help me to get back in the groove. With less stress from the uncertainty of the finances, I think I will be able to focus better and produce a better book. So, that’s a good thing.
It seems funny to be so excited to start another chapter like this. Life has been nothing but one change after another for me. But, I know that this is a step in the right direction. It is putting behind me all the problems and constraints on my time. It is about focusing on me and what I want and need in life. It is about moving forward.
With that, I’m heading off to orientation.