You know, it is time that you and I had a heart to heart about where your life is and what you’re doing to yourself. There is a lot to say and I don’t plan to sugar coat it. It is time that you hear the same advice that you would give someone else. Hopefully you’ll take it and make your life a little better.
First of all, just stop beating yourself up over your weight. It isn’t helping anything. You’re fine. You’re taking steps to be healthier so, just stop it. Keep doing what you’re doing. Track your changes. Do your journal. Take stock of what you’re doing and not doing. Make changes where you can, and focus on being more active and happy. There is a correlation between your weight and happiness and it is precisely the opposite of what you think. The happier you are the more you’ll lose. That is the important thing to remember with regard to your weight loss right now.
Secondly, just listen for a moment before you get all “but… but…” on me. You are not going to absolutely die if you don’t have a man in your life. You are unique and creative, not many people are going to be able to deal with all your little quirks. And you, my dear, will never be happy with your average guy. You need to stop meeting people on these dating sites and start getting out there. Start doing what you love to do. Meet people who love to do what you do. Let God deal with what those people you meet become in your life.
On that note, for heaven’s sake, stop settling because you’re lonely. You’re never really alone anyway. You’ve got an amazing family who have supported every creative endeavor you’ve wanted to embark upon. You have awesome friends, even if they aren’t huge in number. So, work on meeting people who really can understand you and know that when you’re being aloof it usually means you’re working on something and when you get all stressed and bitchy it is usually because you’re not able to write for one reason or another.
Third, I know that starting over at 35 seems scary. But hey, isn’t 40 the new 20? If that’s the case, then you’ve got a head start and that means that when you get to 40 it will be fabulous.
Losing track of the numbers for the rest of this to focus on being honest. You’re not giving yourself enough credit. You are multi-talented. You need to get back into music and find somewhere to sing again. You need to network with more creative people and find your feet as a writer. You need to put your efforts into your career and your education. If you do that, the rest of what you want and need in life will fall into place. Because then people won’t be all about what you can give them. They will be in awe of your strength, your beautiful mind, your spirit, and your ability to be quirky but classy at the same time.
You are so unique that you don’t even realize your own novelty. Not only have you been oppressed by your past relationships but you’ve actually managed to hold yourself back from achieving great things. You put too much focus on finding someone that you forgot to find yourself. And, might I add that, it is way past time for you to do just that.
You are so quick to laugh. You try so hard to see the good in others when they likely don’t deserve that sort of consideration. You work hard at what you do and you throw yourself into everything with more passion than most people dream of having (and yes, this does include relationships). Despite what you were told and led to believe as a teenager, you are intelligent and capable of great things. You have a desire for a more polite society and a less hectic way of life. You’ve a love of history and an eye toward the future simultaneously. Yes, you have an odd love of frogs and owls. Maybe you’re a bit obsessed with your dog and you are strange in that a trip to office depot is like going to the jewelers for most other women. You have strong opinions that don’t require the approval of other people and you’ve found your own way on a rocky spiritual path. These are all things that are admirable, lovable, and desirable. Embrace them and don’t settle for anything less than someone who reciprocates your passion and shares your own interests and maybe even a few of those quirks.
You need to shake the dust of all the failures off your heels. Take your time. Find yourself and see what amazing things you can achieve. If nothing else, do it in spite of the people who have held you down whether by their words or by their actions. It is time to break free of this prison that you’ve constructed for yourself, trust God, let go and be what you were meant to be. What that is, is amazing and wonderful.
Above all else, love yourself more and stop beating yourself up. You’ve always done what was best even if it wasn’t the best for you. It is time to focus on you for a while and you don’t have to feel guilty in doing so.